Domestic Violence

When thinking of domestic violence, most people first think of physical abuse. However, in reality, physical abuse constitutes as just one of the many ways that a partner might try to gain/assert power and control in a relationship. You may be a victim of domestic violence if your partner has ever done things to control you. This may happen suddenly, or even over a period of time. Other forms of domestic violence are often overlooked if it does not include physical abuse.

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Here are some examples of domestic violence that are listed on the NYS government website:

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• Isolation – preventing or making it hard for you to see family and friends; telling you that family and friends cause problems in the relationship or are trying to “come between you.”

• Economic abuse – having complete control over the money; making you account for every penny you spend; taking your money from you; not letting you have a job or go to school.

• Verbal, emotional, psychological abuse – calling you names; putting you down or embarrassing you in front of other people; criticizing your abilities as a partner or parent.

• Intimidation – making you afraid with a look, action, or gesture; getting you to do something by reminding you about “what happened last time.”

• Coercion and threats – showing you a weapon and threatening to use it on you; threatening to “out” your sexual orientation to family, friends, or employers if you are gay or lesbian; threatening to harm your family, friends, or anyone you might go to for help; threatening to commit suicide and telling you it would be your fault.

• Physical abuse – pushing, grabbing, hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, strangling (choking), stabbing, burning, or shooting you.

• Sexual abuse – forcing you to have sex when you don’t want to; making you engage in sexual acts that make you uncomfortable; forcing you to engage in prostitution.

• Using children – undermining your authority with your children; threatening to take the children away from you by kidnapping or getting custody of them; “pumping” your children for information about you; trying to turn your children against you; threatening to harm the children if you try to leave or seek help.

• Minimizing, denying, blaming – making you think the abuse is your fault; saying the abuse was caused by stress, alcohol, or problems at work; denying that the abuse happened at all.

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You may also be a victim if your partner does things to limit your interaction with others, “monitors” your online activity (i.e. social media accounts, messages, passwords, etc.), has control over your finances, your children, among other things that would otherwise take the control away from you.

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It is important to remember that you are not alone and there are many resources at your disposal to help you and your children. We have helped many victims get out of bad situations. There is a way out. Contact us to get help today.

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Read New York State's Office for the Prevent of Domestic Violence PDF brochure on Finding Safety and Support by clicking here.